When Worlds Collide
by LadyExcalibur2010
Summary: A vampire is a vampire, right? Not so much. What happens when one undead Viking encounters three golden-eyed fellows from Forks?
1. Chapter 1

Rated M for language.

**When Worlds Collide**

Eric Northman was sprawled in a huge couch, a look of misery on his face. He looked up without any real interest as a trio of young men sat down on the couch and the seats beside him. He smirked at them. "Shopping and women, eh?" There was a note of commiseration in his voice.

The biggest one grinned back. "Hell on earth." A look of masculine suffering passed between them.

The bronze-haired one merely sighed. "It isn't that bad."

"That's because you're already half girl yourself, Edward," the big one retorted.

Eric looked at the young man and had to agree. He was perfectly groomed and was extremely…well, the only word to describe him was _pretty_. But the three of them looked different, and Eric took a delicate sniff of the air.

They _smelled_ different too. They _smelled_ like vamps, or close enough anyway. Blue eyes narrowed as he studied them. Pale white skin, gold eyes – all of them, how weird was _that_? He took another sniff. Yes, definitely vampire-like. But vampires usually indulged in a bit of "let's whip them out and measure" when encountering an unknown of their own kind.

These did not.

Curious.

Strange.

Instead of predators, they approached him as if he was just another man sitting in a store waiting for his female to conclude her shopping expedition. Eric leaned in close and took an audible sniff. "Excuse me, but are you…_vampire_?"

The three of them looked stunned and the blonde one finally answered. "Yes. How did you know?"

"Eric Northman," Eric said. "Sherriff of Area Five."

"Sherriff?" the pretty one asked.

"You boys really should have let me know you were passing through," Eric chided softly. "Your own sheriff should have taught you better manners."

"Sorry," Jasper said. "We didn't know."

"We just got dragged along to do a little shopping on our way to Florida," the big one said. "I'm Emmett Cullen." He pointed to the blond. "That's my brother Jasper, and that's my sister – oops I mean my _brother_, Edward."

"Like_ that's_ not getting old," the pretty one snapped.

Emmett tilted his head and pretended to study the matter. "Nope, not old yet."

"Excuse him," Edward said. "He's still going through puberty."

Eric laughed at the trio, more amused than he had hoped to be at the start of the tortuous process. These strange vampires were intriguing, even if they were slightly…stupid. "So, you're here with your mates?" Eric asked to be polite, though in reality he was imagining what Sookie looked like standing in front of the mirror in nothing but that white silk thong he knew she was wearing.

"God yes," Edward sighed. "At least Bella doesn't like shopping as much as _Alice_ does, but still…"

"Alice is mine," Jasper said with a hint of possessiveness. Eric smiled at him, fully approving of such a display.

"I'm here with my bonded human, Sookie," he explained.

"Rosalie's off drooling over some cars across the street," Emmett explained.

"Ah, a woman after my own heart," Eric said. "So, what do you plan on doing while you're here, besides shopping?"

"Well, we'll probably try and get some privacy," Edward said. "It's rather in short supply since we all share a home."

"You all share a nest?" It was not unheard of, of course. But usually a large number of vampires in the same nest made for an increase in cruelty. And these vampires seemed extraordinarily tame to Eric.

"A home," Jasper said. "We consider ourselves a family."

"Ah, you want to be able to get loud while you claim your mates," Eric said with an understanding grin. "I, too, like to yell."

Edward gaped at the huge blond vampire. "Excuse me, but what do you mean?"

Emmett snorted and even Jasper rolled his eyes.

Eric regarded the pretty vampire with disdain. "Come boy, you know…suck and _fuck_," Eric said with a suggestive roll of his hips. "It gets loud. I understand this. Any male worth his female will yell out as he claims her. It is expected." He shrugged.

"I heard that Eric Northman!" A soft sweet, Southern voice volleyed out of one of the dressing rooms. Jasper sat up in interest.

"Where is she from?" he asked, his own Southern drawl deepening.

"Louisiana," Eric replied tersely and then looked back at Edward. "What's the use of being a vampire if you can't play suck and fuck?" he asked in horror. "I'd have met the sun two days after I was made if that wasn't one of the perks."

"Met the sun?" Jasper asked.

"Yes, you know, met the sun, been incinerated, the final death," Eric replied.

"Uh, _we_ don't burst into flames in the sun," Edward told him with a hint of superiority in his voice.

"So you can walk about during the day just like a human?" Eric was intrigued.

"Well, not exactly," Jasper conceded.

"Uh, yeah, we have to be careful," Edward added.

"Why? Do you just smoke a bit then?" Eric seemed amused by this image.

"No, well, we uh…we _sparkle_,' Edward said.

Eric gaped at him for a moment. "You _sparkle_?"

Edward and Jasper looked uncomfortable, but nodded.

Eric laughed. "That's just gay, as the humans would say."

"Hey!" Jasper protested.

"Besides, who wants to sparkle?" Eric pointed out. "I sleep during the day, as all self-respecting vampires do."

"We don't sleep," Emmett said with a note of longing in his voice.

"Ever?" Eric asked, clearly astonished.

"No," Edward replied. "Never."

Eric seemed bewildered by this. "Okay then." He shook his head. "In all my thousand years I've never heard anything so…so…"

"Magical?" Edward asked helpfully. "Amazing?" 

"Boring," Eric disagreed. He looked at the trio of vampires. "I'd really suggest staying away from Louisiana. They like their vampires with fangs there." With that, he let his own extend and watched with satisfaction as three pairs of golden eyes grew wide.

"That's w_ay_ cool," Emmett said. "I wish we had _fangs_." He nudged Jasper. "Why the hell don't _we_ have fangs?"

"We've got venom," Edward reminded him helpfully.

"Oh yeah, that's _so_ much cooler than fangs," Emmett muttered. "I want fangs," he added under his breath.

"By Odin," Eric said with a shake of his head. He hoped that humans did not know about these strange vampires, no one would ever fear a vamp again! They would soon start putting vampires in petting zoos to amuse human children.

"Are you a Viking?" Edward asked with interest.

"I've pillaged and raided with the best of them," Eric confirmed with a wicked leer.

Edward groaned. "Listen, do me a favor, would you? Don't tell Bella? Please. She's got a…_thing_ for Vikings."

Eric shrugged, as if to say that was to be expected. Edward rolled his eyes.

"So how long have you been together?" Edward asked, just to be polite.

Smiling wickedly, Eric said softly, "Oh it took me a while to get my Sookie into bed." He looked at Edward. "She belonged to another, but he was not worthy of her. He is gone now."

"She's still human?" Jasper asked.

Eric sighed. "Yes, she is most stubborn on the issue." He shook his head. "I shall wait for her butt to start to sag and try again. She will be more open to the suggestion then."

Edward sighed. "Bella couldn't _wait_ to be immortal," he confided.

"Yeah, but that was because she was dead clumsy as a human," Emmett suggested. "It was probably only a matter of time before she accidentally killed herself. For the best, really."

"So you're telling me that while you were…" He looked over in the direction of the fitting rooms. "While you _made love_ to your Bella, you couldn't enjoy a little sip while you were buried in her?" He wriggled his eyebrows at the pretty vampire.

Edward looked uncomfortable but shook his head. "No, the venom would have turned her, and I didn't really want to-"

Eric leaned forward. "Are you sure you don't like boys?"

Emmett laughed and pointed and Edward. "I t_old _you!"

Sighing deeply, Edward continued. "And besides, we waited until we were married to…uh…you know…uh…"

"Fuck?" Eric supplied helpfully.

"Eric Northman!" It was Sookie again.

"I'm sorry, my lover," Eric called out in a very sincere and loving voice, rolling his eyes as he did so.

"Don't you roll your eyes at me, you big Viking," Sookie warned.

Eric laughed. "She does love to chastise me." He did not sound at all displeased by the notion. He turned back to Edward. "So, even after you were married you couldn't sink your fangs into her femoral artery while you made her scream out your name?"

"He was a virgin, so I doubt there was much screaming going on, unless it was 'Ouch! Ouch! You're on my hair!'" Emmett interjected.

"We don't have fangs," Edward reminded him , ignoring his brother.

A look of disdain came over Eric's face. "Then you're not _really_ vampires," he said with great certainty, waving his hand in dismissal.

"Yes we are," Edward shot back.

"No fangs, no bursting into flames in the sunlight, and no suck and fuck?" He shook his head. "No, you're not a vampire."

"We're vampires," Edward insisted.

"All right then," Eric said, as if soothing a small, cranky child. "If you say so."

"So tell me, Mr. Northman," Jasper said. "How did you get to be a _Vampire Sherriff_?"

"Well, someone has to deal with the vampires and the humans and I'm the law here for our kind." He shrugged. "Our public relations people keep most of the unfortunate incidences under wraps, but every now and then…" He shrugged again. "So I deal with the law-breaker and the humans feel better that the big, bad vampire has been punished." Eric snorted. "They're so stupid."

"You mean…the humans know about us?" Jasper asked.

"They know about _vampires_," Eric said, clearly indicating that they were not to be considered true vampires.

"That's…incredible," Edward said.

"We came out of the coffin several years ago," Eric explained. "It's mostly just a few fanatics now who give us problems."

"Uh oh," Jasper said, shaking his head. "The Volturi are not going to be happy about this at all!"

"The Vol-what?" Eric asked.

"The Volturi," Edward explained. "They're the closest thing our world has to royalty. They enforce the laws."

"_I_ am the law," Eric said, shaking his head.

Jasper and Edward shrugged. "They live in Italy and-"

Eric started laughing. "You expect me to be scared of a bunch of _Romans_?" He snorted. "They make nice suits…and shoes," he conceded. "But I'm not going to allow a bunch of Romans to tell me what to do." He snorted again at the very thought. "Besides, we have our own royalty. Every territory has a king or queen. And none of them are from Rome."

"Well, I guess we do things a little differently," Jasper said quietly. He shrugged.

"What prompted you to come out of the coffin, as you put it?" Edward asked curiously.

"The synthetic blood," Eric answered. "Vile, metallic tasting shit, but it serves in a pinch." He winked at the younger vampires. "Though I must confess that I prefer my blood warm from the vessel." The fangs extended once more. "Especially from my Sookie."

"We only hunt animals," Edward said, a note of longing in his voice.

"Yes," Jasper agreed. "But I remember…" He shook his head. "Never mind."

"I wish _we_ had fangs," Emmett muttered once more.

_To be continued…._


	2. Chapter 2

I don't own these characters. They are the sole property of Stephenie Meyer. I only borrow them. No humans are permanently harmed through my actions, though I do confess to harassing, annoying, torturing, and exasperating them – just because it's fun. I make no money from my little stories, sad day. I only play in the sandbox, I didn't build it.

**Part II**

Eric studied the strange group of golden-eyed vampires. He gave them a slight smile to show his lack of aggressive intentions and they all gave him a nod of acknowledgement. "Well now," Eric said. "I feel as if it is my duty, as the Sherriff of this Area, to invite you all to my home for the evening."

The big one grinned widely. "That would be awesome!"

The blond vampire was more circumspect in his approval, but he smiled and nodded. Emmett nudged Edward and said, "Do you think they'll have a Viking orgy?"

"I think that was the Romans," Edward replied tersely.

"We Vikings have been known to indulge in a bit of sexual excess," Eric noted modestly, thinking about having Sookie dress up as a slave. He would conquer her and have his way with her on a huge trestle table. Yes, that would be a fine way to spend a night.

"Yes, well…" Edward heaved a long suffering sigh.

Emmett grinned at Eric. "Our boy here needs to loosen up. We'd hoped that finally getting cherry popped would do the job, but he still seems to have that stick up his ass."

"You're not funny, Emmett," Edward snapped.

"Oh I think I am," Emmett said. Just then a gorgeous blond sauntered into the shop and Eric sat up and took notice automatically. Like any male creature, he preened a bit for her approval. He would never betray Sookie, but it was only natural to seek the approval of the female. That urge was wired into him. The blond gave him a flirtatious smile before she fell into the lap of the big one.

Emmett licked at his mate's neck and then pretended to bite her. "Hey!" she cried out and smacked him in the chest. "Watch those teeth buddy! That shit stings!"

Making a pouty face, Emmett pointed at Eric. "_He's_ got fangs. How unfair is that shit?"

Rose looked at Eric with more interest. "Is that so?"

Eric grinned widely at her and let his fangs descend. She looked suitably impressed. "Well, well…" she murmured. She had a speculative look on her beautiful face.

Just then Sookie emerged from the dressing room. "What do you think of this one, Eric?" She turned around, showing off her curvy figure which was enhanced by the snug, white dress.

Eric's fangs flashed once more and he nodded his approval. Sookie gave him a pleased grin and then looked at his companions. "Did I hear y'all say you were traveling through?"

"Yes, ma'am," Edward answered politely. He tilted his head. "Odd…I can't hear your thoughts." He glanced at Eric. "Or yours either."

Sookie laughed and shook her head. "Well, I should hope not. You probably wouldn't want a peek into my Viking's mind." Then she sat down in Eric's lap, much like Rosalie had done with Emmett. "Don't worry, I can't read your minds either. My little talent doesn't seem to work with vampires." She swatted Eric on the chest as his hand roamed up her thigh and disappeared beneath the short white skirt. "Which is probably a good thing or I'd be tempted to stake Mr. Northman here."

Eric nibbled at her neck, still showing off his fangs. Emmett's mood grew more morose and he began openly sulking. Then Bella came out of the dressing room, tugging at the skirt of a simple cotton dress. "I don't know," she muttered. "What do you think, Edward?"

He got to his feet and took her hands in his. "You look lovely as always, my love."

Bella turned and looked at her back in the mirror. "Is it too…Alice?"

"No, dearest, it's perfectly you," Edward assured her.

Eric nudged Emmett. "How did he convince someone to actually become his mate?" He was genuinely curious. The pretty one seemed much too tame to have lasted long as a vamp. The weak died young, embracing the final death soon after the temporary one.

Rosalie rolled her eyes. "You mean the silly little human?" She looked at Sookie. "No offense, but really, Bella is a pain, even for a human." Then she grinned. "Now that she's one of us, she's a lot more fun. More durable anyway." Rose smirked. "Though you'd never know it by how she acts sometimes."

Edward threw a sharp glance at Rosalie while Bella just rolled her eyes. Rose shrugged. "What? You know I'm right. Who else would get involved with vampires and werewolves and _still_ be afraid of fast cars?"

"Wolves, huh?" Eric said. "Yes, we have experienced some difficulties with the shifters ourselves."

"They're not all bad," Sookie scolded.

Eric sighed and nodded reluctantly. "I suppose."

"We have a treaty with the pack," Jasper said. "We allied with them to fight off some rogue vampires."

"Rogues?" Eric looked interested, mostly because he was. He had always enjoyed a good, bloody battle. Next to sex, it was his favorite pastime.

"We killed them," Emmett noted with satisfaction. "All ashes now." He sighed fondly at the memory. "It was really wild."

Rose smirked. "Yeah, it was kind of cool ripping their heads off and shit."

Edward was pulling Bella toward them. "Enough," he said. He didn't like to talk about the wolves or the battle or anything else from that time.

Emmett snorted. "Edward still gets his panties in a wad when you talk about the wolves."

"Do not," Edward muttered.

"Oh yes you do," Jasper countered, smiling as Alice skipped out of the dressing room with a dozen dresses piled up in her arms. She shoved them onto the couch and settled into Jasper's lap.

"You do, Edward, you know you do," Alice agreed. She looked at Eric and smiled widely. "See, a wolf had had his eyes on Bella _forever_ and then he kissed her to try and convince her to choose him instead of Edward."

"How did the pack react when you killed him for this transgression?" Eric asked Edward.

Edward pursed his lips and frowned. "Uh…I kept the treaty," he said.

Eric looked at Emmett for confirmation. "He let him go, told him he'd let Bella make her own choice," Emmett explained, looking rather shamefaced.

Eric stared at Edward. "Your nest mate jests, surely?"

"Uh no, I mean, I couldn't kill him just because he kissed her." Edward looked at Bella uncomfortably.

"Why?" Eric pressed.

"Because that wouldn't right," Edward answered earnestly.

"Why?"

"You can't take a life for a kiss," Edward argued. He sounded genuinely offended at the idea.

"Why not?" Eric seemed genuinely confused. "It is how it's done. He touched what was yours and you must teach him a lesson." The Viking shrugged. "It is his fault if that lesson is fatal." He sighed. "These things happen."

"I broke my hand when I hit him," Bella offered and Eric gave her an approving smile.

"Your mate understands," Eric murmured. "Such trespasses cannot be forgiven or they will be repeated." He shrugged again. "If the wolf starts sniffing around your mate again, you will have no one to blame but yourself. You should have ripped his balls from his body and then fed them to him nice and slowly before you bit his head off." He looked at Sookie and tucked a bright strand of hair behind her ear. "It's what I would have done if anything dared to touch my bonded human after I let it be known that she was mine."

"That's not how our family handles these things," Edward insisted.

"It's how I would have done if that dog touched my Rosie," Emmett bragged. "Ripped those furry balls right off his body. I might have even sautéed them before I fed them to him."

Rose giggled and whispered something naughty in Emmett's ear in approval. "You really know the way to a girl's heart," she said. "And into her panties…" Then she licked his ear.

Edward groaned. "Really, Rosalie, such behavior is hardly appropriate."

Rose rolled her eyes and looked at Bella over her shoulder. "Would you _please_ go blow Edward in the dressing room and then see if you can get that stick out of his ass while you're playing around down there?"

Bella looked as if she might have been happy to help but Edward pouted and sat down in a chair. Bella sat on his lap and tried to kiss him, but he just frowned and continued sulking.

"I told you he was gay," Emmett whispered loudly to Rose.

Alice giggled and wrapped her arms around Jasper's neck. "Not my Jazz," she told everyone. "Unless I want to be the Oreo filling…"

Edward groaned loudly. "Really, Alice? Do you have to subject me to your lurid sexual interludes?"

Eric looked at Alice. _Lurid sexual interludes?_ He mouthed the words and Alice just rolled her eyes. Jasper winked at Eric and licked his lips. Eric was not opposed to same gender encounters, but he would most definitely want to include his Sookie. He looked at Sookie, whose gaze was locked on the Southern gentleman vampire and decided that maybe it would be better to just stick with Sookie. Alone. The three of them would definitely be too much blond.

"Well, are you ladies done shopping?" Eric asked. What he really wanted was to play suck and fuck with his Sookie and these vampires were just too strange for his tastes. "You could come to my house for the evening. Though I must be resting before dawn." He hated the fact that he had made the invitation, but there was nothing to be done about it now.

"I'm all done," Bella answered, hopping to her feet. "Let me go change into my clothes so we can pay for this."

Alice got up too and picked up the pile of clothing and handed it to Jasper. "Here, baby, take care of this for me." Jasper looked at the mountain of clothing and sighed.

"It's a good thing we've got an eternity to gather a fortune because that girl could shop Bill Gates into the poor house."

Rose leaned in and licked Emmett's ear again. "I saw a sweet ride over there baby. What do you say we go buy it and then you can ride me in the back seat?" She batted her eyelashes at Eric. "We might be just a little late."

Emmett growled his agreement. Edward just looked pain. Sookie held out her hand to Edward. "Aw, that's no problem. It'll take me a bit to get ready anyway." She looked at Eric. "Unlike some of you, I have to eat real food."

"Ah yes, a human moment," Edward murmured. "I miss those," he said quietly.

Bella rolled her eyes and nudged him. "Get over it. I'm one of you now."

"Yes, dear," Edward replied politely.

Eric gave the blond vamp his address, sort of hoping that they would not show up. He really wanted to spread Sookie out on the table and ravish her. He wanted to tie her up and listen to her cries for mercy. Yes, that was a proper way for a vampire to spend an evening. He had a feeling the pretty one would be quoting poetry to his mate.

Sookie stared after the six strange vampires. "They're…different," she finally said.

"You have no idea," Eric muttered.

A pause. "Are you sure the pretty male prefers females?"

"So he says," Eric said dryly.

Sookie shook her head. "Whatever, come on my big Viking, let's get you home so you can worship at my feet…and a little higher too, you and your fangs and your gracious plenty…" Sookie laughed. "Before our company arrives."

They heard Bella gasp. "He's a Viking? And he's got fangs?" She whirled around and studied Eric with new interest.

"I told you fangs were chick magnets," Emmett said as he nudged Jasper.

Bella stopped and looked at Edward with narrowed eyes. "Where can we get _you _some fangs?" She pursed her lips. "And one of those hats with horns?" Bella sighed. "I think I'd really like the fangs."

"That's what_ I'm_ saying," Emmett grumbled.

**The End.**


End file.
